My siblings and I were raised in a Catholic household, which meant memorizing lines of prayer, fingers nightly indented with rosary beads, Sundays spent in church, and a lifetime of guilt.
Repression is also one of the core teachings observed in a Catholic household. As children, we were reminded and reprimanded on a great number of things: from how we conduct ourselves, to what we wear, and of course, how we speak.
And nothing is more repressed from our vocabulary than swear words.
The first time I swore in front of my parents, I was met with eyes enlarged in shock. I was then promptly asked the question "Where did you hear that [word]?"
I didn't remember then and I don't remember now. If I should guess, it's probably from TV or maybe even from my playmates, who themselves were playing with the power of saying something so taboo.
Swearing is one of the first ways we learn about 'power.' The mystery surrounding why we can't say some words is what gives it power. There must be something magical and special about it compared to other words 'cause why else would we not be allowed to say them? At the same time, the act of being policed by adults is an exercise of power and a demonstration of their authority over children.
One of the funniest episodes in Modern Family is in season 3 with Lily using the f-word. We watch as Cam and Mitch struggle to keep a straight face as they try to explain to Lily what makes fuck a "bad word" and why she can't use it. The struggle comes from the fact that there is nothing intrinsically "bad" about these words. Their long evolutions, the connotations, and the meanings we attach to them are what made them bad. So adults often fall into the tautology that bad words are bad so we are not supposed to say them.
Benjamin K. Bergen explores this in his book “What the F: What Swearing Reveals About Our Language, Our Brains and Ourselves” and calls it the "profanity paradox."
“The paradox is that it’s that very act of suppression of the language that creates those same taboos for the next generation,”
It's also very arbitrary. Jerry Seinfeld illustrates this so well in season 1 of Seinfeld. He was driving a car and unintentionally cut off a lady, to which the lady responded to him with THE FINGER. When you think about it, it is so random a finger can mean something or that it means something so specific. Then again, language is just a bunch of sounds and letters yet we have evolved to communicate with it.
As an ~edgy~ teen, I used to be a staunch advocate of eliminating all linguistic censorship. We give these words that occupy only .0001% of our entire vocabulary with 1000% of the power (don't fact check us on the statistics.)
I have now come to revise my stance because, without censorship, these profanities would be meaningless. In a world where all bad words were just words, it'll take an awful lot of time to express any extreme emotion. What are we to say when the only three words that encapsulate our feelings are fuck. this. shit. It doesn't make any sense grammatically because why would you [fuck shit] and how would you [fuck shit] but it just makes sense, cathartically (don't fact check us on these assumptions.)
So in this fucking pandemic, surrounded by all the government fuckery, I'll be damned if I didn't have bad word bullets in the arsenal of my vocabulary. ESPECIALLY NOW THAT THE GOVERNMENT HAS PUT US IN THE TIGHTEST QUARANTINE MEASURE YET AGAIN after failing to curb the rise of cases because of their unscientific and militaristic pandemic response. As if the police can shoot the virus dead in its tracks.
Since the lockdown, I have sworn in front of my parents a few times more than I thought I could get away with. Perhaps I've worn them down or this entire lockdown period has beaten them too, that they could empathize with their potty mouth of a daughter.
I would have wanted to swear far more than I am allowed to but if my Catholic upbringing taught me anything it is to: repress don't express it'll just cause distress (which is also probably the unofficial slogan of all conservatives.) So instead, I take great effort to control most of my language. I have managed to keep my swearing at an amount where it still has shock value and impact on my boomer parents. Plus being able to say a few 4-5 letter words is not the hill I want to die on.
To scratch any lingering swearing itch, I manage by listening to explicit songs so singers can swear on my behalf (thank God for all the bad words in Folklore)
In fact, this entire musing was a by-product of listening to Aly and Aj on repeat when they released the explicit version of the Potential Break up Song. The moment Alyson Michalka sang "fucking birthday " instead of "stupid birthday" I felt chills. I was reminded of my fascination with language and power (and the fact that we run a blog with hardly any shit to read in it.)
Releasing the explicit version of Potential Break-up Song around this time is BRILLIANT. It helps us release all the tension the last-fucking-year built up in all of us. If only we can break-up with all our problems, then we already have the perfect anthem.
P.S.
I can't help but wish my other childhood favorites release an explicit version of their hits. Can you imagine Britney Spears singing:
Shit! I did it again.
P.P.S.
I also can't help but imagine how many "Our Father"s and "Glory be"s I'd have to recite in confession for writing this essay. Have a damn blessed holy week, everybody!
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