Time is not friendly to a young 20-something who constantly fluctuates between feeling that she’s done a lot and thinking that she’s done nothing. She’s constantly tired and yet she thinks that she’s not being productive enough. It doesn’t help that her friends are always talking about how they’re learning new routines, rediscovering forgotten interests, or trying out new things from their bucket lists.
And the world seems to be filled with people like her friends. People going about their day and sharing it online. Shouldn’t she be happy for them and just mind her own business? Why should those innocent unassuming people become figures she has to compete with in order to think better of herself?
Sadly and quite obviously by “she” I meant “me”.
The global pandemic has forced many of us to stay at home but ironically, the more time we spend at home, the more we learn about how others are spending their time in their homes. Going online amid a pandemic makes for an erratic experience as peoples’ recipes and selfies are sandwiched between Coronavirus news and the continuously disappointing response policies.
Among these posts, there would be one or two meant to remind us to breathe and stop comparing ourselves to others. Doing that is proving more and more difficult. This is especially true as we are living in what The Guardian calls: The age of envy. Clinical psychologist Rachel Andrew explains: What I notice is that most of us can intellectualize what we see on social media platforms – we know that these images and narratives that are presented aren’t real, we can talk about it and rationalize it – but on an emotional level, it’s still pushing buttons. If those images or narratives tap into what we aspire to, but what we don’t have, then it becomes very powerful. And at a time when we can’t really go outside to experience things, we turn to our screens to see what’s outside of us but we must also examine how it makes us feel inside.
Through that examination, I have come to admit that despite my misgivings, social media has provided me the escape I needed from my lived reality. I found myself enjoying my friends’ dance covers, new recipes, and pictures of their pets. And I would much rather see them on my feed than watch another influencer pretend that the pandemic isn’t happening.
I realized that what I am feeling—the mixture of jealousy, pressure, and suffocation— is probably some sort of mental constipation from having taken a lot of information in and not processing a lot of information out. Basically, I’m just trying to push the sh*t out of my brain. Think of this as a mental laxative. I hope that going through this process will give me some relief.
This is probably not the best introduction to this project but this is how “mushmallows” came about. A project brought about by thoughts brewing in my head for the last couple of months. It took me a while before I decided to put these thoughts into words but having seen my friends live their best lives (well, as best as they can in a pandemic) has given me the boost of courage.
This passion project is not yet well-defined but we’ll get there. I am still a struggling 20-something so try not to pass judgment. But I hope that anyone who reads this would join me in this journey of irony and introspection.
–
Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash
Comments